Letting Go and Diving In
by HarryxGinnyPercyxAnnabeth4ever
Summary: AU Castle fic set after 3x22 To Love and Die in L.A. Beckett returns to New York and finds out Josh has been cheating on her...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is my first time writing a Castle story. This is going to be set immediately after Castle and Beckett return to New York in episode 3x22** **To Love and Die in L.A.** **Please review! It has been several years since I wrote fan fiction and my writing style has probably changed significantly. Thanks!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own or make any money from these wonderful characters created by Andrew W. Marlowe. If I did, there would be a little Caskett baby by now!**

Home Sweet Home

Beckett sighed in relief as she opened the door to her apartment, ready to kick off her shoes and relax after the long flight home. Her trip to Los Angeles had been more eventful than she had expected. She originally went to L.A. to get justice for Royce, but she ended up with so much more. She never thought that Castle would just show up on her flight. However much she had wanted to keep him out of this investigation she knew as soon as she saw him in first class that he would weasel his way in. Not only did he manage to involve himself in the investigation, but he also talked her into sharing a hotel suite with him. She couldn't deny that they had a moment together on the couch that evening. She acknowledged the fact that she and Castle were definitely attracted to one another, but she was still in a committed relationship with Josh. She may not see him as much as she would like, but they were still committed and she was never one to cheat during a relationship.

In fact, Josh was supposed to call her about 30 minutes ago when she landed. She tried calling him but it kept going straight to voicemail. She decided to go stop by the hospital to see if he wanted to grab dinner. She headed down to the front of her building and hailed a cab. She thought it was odd that she hadn't heard from him considering he would normally text her to let her know he was on shift. She arrived at the hospital in 10 minutes and paid the cabbie. As she walked through the sliding glass doors into the hospital, she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong. She walked to the front desk and recognized the nurse as the same one she had seen the last time she visited Josh at work. "Hello Barbara, is Josh here?" she asked amicably. Barbara looked up "Ah yes, Detective Beckett he's over in the break room. I trust you remember where it is?" Kate gave a nod of acknowledgment and headed over. She opened the door and her jaw dropped in shock at the sight of Josh with his tongue down the throat of a busty blonde nurse. Josh glanced up and immediately shoved the buxom blonde away when he saw her standing there. "Kate, I can explain" he started. She held a hand up and in a resigned tone "Josh, don't even bother. If you would rather be with a blond bimbo instead of me go ahead, just don't come crawling back to me when a pretty face and big boobs stops making up for the lack of brains." As she turned around to leave she heard "Kate, wait! I came back from Haiti for you, doesn't that mean anything?" She scowled and said "You came back for me, and yet instead of being with me you're here tonguing some blonde ready for a quick romp in the sack. Now leave me alone, I'll put all of your things outside of my apartment for you to pick up."

She quickly walked out of the hospital keeping up her facade until she was alone. She wandered aimlessly about the city wondering why every man in her life let her down, time and time again. First it was her dad, losing himself to the bottle when she had needed him most. The night she lost her mother, she lost him too. Although he sobered up five years later, they had never regained the close relationship they had before her mother's death. After her dad came Will. For a time, she had thought that he might just be the one. He was the first person to make her have fun and feel happy after her mother's death, which made it hurt even more when he chose his career over her. Now Josh had left her, for some blonde bimbo who probably couldn't even pick out the United States on a globe. Kate couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't worth staying for? Why wasn't she good enough?

She realized she had been wandering around the city for awhile so she stopped to figure out where she was. She looked up at the building next to her and startled a bit when she saw she was standing right outside Castle's loft. When Kate had first met Castle she thought he was an arrogant, cocky, playboy who threw money around in order to get whatever he wanted. However, over the past three years she had come to know him as the kind, sweet, and generous family man who had not only become her partner, but also her best friend.

Kate looked up at his apartment and realized that there was a light on. Castle was phenomenal at making her laugh and that was what just about what she needed right now, so she decided to head on up, hoping that he wouldn't ask too many questions about why she was there after seeing him just a few hours prior. She nodded at the doorman as she passed and walked on up. As she arrived outside Castle's door she hesitated a moment before putting her thoughts aside and knocking before she could change her mind.

 **Author's Note: I realize that Beckett might be a bit out of character, as some people think that she is always confident, but I think she has insecurities just like the rest of us she just hides them better. If anyone would like to be a Beta Reader for me please let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Alright, some reviewers gave me some flack about how I portrayed nurses. Granted, I don't know every nurse on the planet but my family and I have had several bad experiences with nurses. When I was 11 my mother had surgery and there were complications; when she told the nurses what she was feeling and that there was something wrong they ignored it and she almost died. What should have been a 3 day stay in the hospital turned into a 3 month stay and she had to eat through a tube for a year. Those two nurses faced a review board and not only lost their jobs, they also lost their licenses. An extremely similar situation occurred when I had appendicitis and that nurse was later fired as well. Like I said, I don't know every nurse on the planet, and I'm sure that there are some nice, intelligent nurses out there, but my experiences have been pretty bad. On to the story.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to nor do I profit off of these characters created by Andrew W. Marlowe.**

Castle heard a knock at the door. He glanced at his watch, it was 9 pm, who would come by at this hour? He opened the door and saw the last person he expected. Beckett was standing there looking downcast.

"Hello Beckett, did you miss my ruggedly handsome face already?" He joked, he knew better than to ask what was wrong right off the bat. After 3 years of working together he knew that if she felt relaxed she might share.

Beckett's lips quirked up into a small smile. When they had first met Castle's arrogance was a turn-off but now she knew it was merely his sense of humor.

"Hey Castle, are you busy? I wouldn't want to intrude on your time with Alexis or Martha."

"You're not intruding at all! Alexis is at a sleepover with some friends and I don't really want to know who Mother is sleeping with tonight" he shuddered. "Would you like to come in?"

Beckett gave a small nod and entered the apartment. Castle hung up her jacket for her and led her over to the couch. "Would you like some wine?" he offered.

"Thanks, Castle. Just a small glass." He walked into the kitchen and came back with two glasses of red wine. She took one and sat down on the couch next to him. She took a few sips and realized that Castle wasn't saying anything. He knew that something was up, after all she didn't just drop by the loft very often.

"Josh and I broke up." she said quietly looking down at the floor. Even though Castle was internally jumping for joy, he didn't say anything, he just walked into the kitchen gathering a myriad of supplies. He had long since acknowledged that he had feelings for her, but he knew that she would need time to get over her relationship with Josh before he could even hope to start a relationship with her.

"Castle, what are you doing?" she wondered if he had even heard what she said.

"Beckett, I live with two women. I know the essential supplies for a break-up." He stated as though it was obvious and walked back over to the couch with macaroni and cheese, chocolate ice cream, and some M&M's.

She smiled softly "I haven't dealt with a break-up by eating comfort food in years. Maybe a little old-fashioned broken heart remedy will be good for me." She was relieved he wasn't prying. Luckily, Castle seemed to have learned over the years when he could push for more information, and when she just needed to talk.

They sat in silence for a few moments, each working on their own bowl of macaroni and cheese. Beckett looked at him and could see that he was itching to ask.

"I went to visit him at the hospital and found him making out with a nurse. I told him it was over and wandered about the city, eventually finding myself outside your building" she told him. "To be honest Castle, I think it had been over with Josh for awhile. I always kept one foot out the door, and we were both workaholics so we barely even saw each other. It still hurts that he was cheating, though."

He smiled slightly realizing that she was opening up to him so much more than she used to. "I didn't ask, Beckett." trying to make sure she didn't feel pressured into telling him anything.

"I know, Castle. You were not asking very loudly." she quipped remembering the other two times they had shared this little exchange.

The fell back into silence for a few moments. Castle could see that Beckett was thinking over everything in her head. He knew from experience that she was probably wondering how long had Josh been cheating? Had she missed other signs?

"Did I ever tell you that my first marriage ended because Meredith was cheating on me with her director?" he asked. He knew he hadn't said anything; it wasn't exactly something he wanted to brag about, but he thought that letting Beckett know that he understood might help her.

She looked at him surprised. "No, Castle. You never said anything about Meredith having an affair." wondering how someone could cheat on a man like Castle. She knew his reputation as a playboy was just a persona he put on. She had seen him around his friends and his family, she knew firsthand how loyal, trustworthy and generous he was to people he cared about.

"Yeah, well, it's not exactly the type of thing I want to brag about, is it?" he asked self-deprecatingly. "I came home early from a meeting with my publisher and found her in bed with him while Alexis was crying her eyes out in her crib in the room right next door."

"Oh, Castle" she said sadly as she leaned over to grab his hand. "I'm so sorry. I can't imagine having to see that. At least when I walked in on Josh he was only making out with her."

"Yeah, the image of your significant other sleeping with someone else gets seared into your memory."

They held eye contact for a few moments, with Beckett still holding Castle's hand. She saw him glance down at her lips and lean forward, and as much as she wanted to kiss him, she pulled back. She genuinely cared about Castle but she knew that if she wanted to have a relationship with him she needed to give herself time to get over Josh. She definitely didn't want Castle to be a rebound, she cared about him too much for that.

When she pulled back, he looked hurt. Logically, he knew that they shouldn't jump into anything too quickly, but he still felt hurt that she didn't seem to want him. She looked at him imploringly "Castle, I care about you. More than just as a partner, which is why we can't jump into anything. I need to give myself time to get over Josh and make sure I clear my head. Even though I didn't physically cheat on Josh, my heart has been yours for awhile. I care about you too much to let this be a rebound. Give me some time." She looked at him shyly, reaching up to caress his cheek, "Assuming you feel the same way about me, of course." she said timidly.

He raised his hand and placed over her hand on his cheek. He smiled "Beckett, of course I feel the same way about you. I was hoping that one day you would realize that too, but I honestly didn't think it would be this soon. Take all the time that you need. When we do this, I want to make sure we do it right. You're worth the wait."

She grinned up at him "Only you could pull off being cheesy so well, Castle." They sat there a few more moments before she glanced over at the door "I better go on home Castle. That way I reduce my temptation to stay. I want to do this right."

He nodded and she stood offering her hand to help pull him up off the couch. As they walked over to the door with Beckett grabbing her jacket, she leaned up on her toes and lightly kissed his cheek. "I promise that I'm not going to run from this Castle. I think I've done enough running for a lifetime." She turned and left.

As Castle closed the door behind her, he sighed in relief knowing that she wasn't going to run. He walked over to his study feeling lighter than he had in a long while, filled with a sense of hope.

 **Author's Note: I hope that was good! Please review!**


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